I was never really big on signs. It wasn’t until my mom passed in 2015 that I guess I had my own experiences with signs. I have known people who religiously rely on signs to make decisions in life. I never judged but was not able to fully understand until one day I saw a peacock feather in the middle of a random parking lot. My mother donated her eyes to the Eye Bank Association of America (EBAA). My family attended an event they held the following year after her passing. A cousin of mine shared how a peacock must have followed her home. The event was about an hour away from where she lived. How in the world could that have happened? It’s significant because when we spread my mother’s ashes in the waters of sunny Miami, FL a bit of remnants of Victoria gusted around in my cousin’s car.

Of course, we felt terrible, but chuckled because it felt very much like the spirit of my mom. Always around if you will…leaving her mark on the world around her. After my cousin sent pictures of the peacock on her roof and frolicking in her yard, I knew then it was intentional. Somehow, I found comfort knowing there was a connection to my mother. I then started seeing peacocks everywhere. The first in the parking lot, then randomly at an exotic zoo. As a result, my sister-in-law began buying peacock items to keep the memory alive. I am now the proud owner of a peacock traveling mug, an outdoor figurine, and several peacock artworks. Some might think I am obsessed lol. I’m not, trust me.

So, moving onto another big sign. My husband and I have already chosen names for our children, one for a girl and one for a boy. His family is full of girls on both his dad and mom’s side. He believes we will have a girl first. The name we have chosen starts with an E. So far, I have seen at least a handful of signs. On two separate occasions, we were looking at the sunset. The sky was gorgeous hues of blues blended with pink and cotton candy style white clouds. In the sky, I could not believe, there was a cloud shaped as an E! It was so surreal I had to run and grab James. Both times, we looked up in awe.

Another time, I was visiting family in Atlanta, GA. We were discussing our fertility journey and our struggles. I was mentioning how comfortable I felt, knowing our time was coming soon. Then, I looked up at the fridge and the only children’s bubble magnetic alphabet that was staring back at me was an E. I could have cried. I was comforted by the sign, choosing to believe it was meant just for me. It served as a sign of relief. Oddly, I feel a connection to our future daughter. It feels as if she is saying, Momma we’re close. This connection makes my heart smile but also wipes away some disappointment and frustration. I began relying on those positive thoughts of desire in motherhood.

The signs help me to pace myself if you will. It gives me the freedom to live without putting so much expectation on a timeline, which is something both James and I are guilty of. People always say things happen when they’re supposed to, or when you least expect it. I understand that many people have not endured a similar experience and only seek to be helpful when offering insight. Instead, I focus on phrases that speak our reality into existence by being intentional when speaking of our future. The story I want to tell my children is one of sureness and positivity. We know that’s not always the case. However, the signs keep my goals aligned. So, I am thankful to the universe for reminding me that nothing is impossible, it just may not look exactly as we envision.

Here’s to seeing the signs.